Halloween Humiliation
by hxchick
Summary: What happens when JJ gives out the wrong candy on Halloween? Written for the October Candy Land Challenge at the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum.


Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is owned by CBS. I own nothing but my imagination.

_~This story was written in response to Ilovetvalot and Tonnie2001969's Candy Land Challenge for October. My assignment was: JJ/Hotch and Candy Hearts._

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"Trick or treat!" JJ looked up from her desk to see a cute little girl dressed up as a princes standing just inside her office.

"Well aren't you a pretty princess," JJ said as she glanced at her watch. It was nearly six, which meant trick or treating was almost over and she could get back to focusing on her work.

The trick or treating had been a tradition at the FBI headquarters for nearly a decade. As the world had become a more dangerous place for children, the higher-ups, concerned for the well-being of their children and their agent's children, had started the indoor office trick or treating as a safe alternative to having their children out after dark. They knew the candy they received in the building would be safe and they didn't have to worry about maniacs snatching their kids while partaking in the Halloween fun.

She got up, grabbed some candy and deposited it in the little girl's bag, "There you go, honey."

"Thank you," she said in a sing-song voice. JJ looked up at her mother and smiled, they were so cute at that age.

Once the little princess had left, JJ peered into her candy bowl and took stock. It was expected that everyone with a desk would participate in the festivities and because of her intense workload, JJ had forgotten to buy candy for the day. Of course she hadn't realized it until thirty minutes before the trick or treating was to start, so it had been too late for her to run to the nearest grocery store.

In a panic, she'd begged all of her colleagues to share their candy with her, but all of them had bought just enough to get through the night. Desperate, she'd finally knocked on Rossi's door, hoping that she could hide in his darkened office with him and wait out the trick or treating. Rossi, of course, wasn't required to partake in the festivities because, well he was David Rossi and if he didn't want to do something, he didn't do it. It was no secret that the legendary agent had dirt on just about everyone and if he didn't want to take part in the Halloween fun, no one who valued their career would force him to.

Rossi had surprised JJ. When she explained her situation to him, he'd reached into his desk drawer and pulled out two bags of candy hearts, the type that were popular in February, and tossed them to her. "Here," he said, knowing how much she loved seeing the kids dressed in their costumes, "I had these left over from Valentine's Day, maybe you can do something with them."

She would have kissed him if she'd had time. Instead, she'd rushed back to her office, quickly portioned out the hearts into baggies and had tied a strip of curling ribbon around the tops of the bags to keep them closed. Thank God she'd had ribbon in her desk for wrapping birthday presents. She'd finished preparing the candy just moments before she'd gotten her first trick or treater.

As she looked at the remaining candy in her bowl, she felt a pang of sadness; she had really wanted to take Henry trick or treating, but he was visiting Will in New Orleans and wouldn't be back for a few more days.

She was pulled from her reverie by a knock on her open door. She looked up in anticipation of another trick or treater, and was surprised to find her boss standing in her doorway wearing a somewhat amused smile on his face.

"What's up, Hotch?" She asked.

"JJ, are you the person giving out candy hearts?" He asked.

She nodded, "Yeah, it's not the greatest Halloween candy but I forgot to stop for some on my way to work and it's all I had. Don't worry, they should still be safe to eat, I don't think candy hearts ever go bad."

"It's not that," he said, coming into her office, "I was just wondering why my son had a candy heart that says 'take it off'."

"WHAT?" JJ exclaimed, "What are you talking about?" She asked as she grabbed the offensive piece of candy from her boss's hand.

He nodded, "Or this one that says 'ur so sexy'."

She took the rest of the candy from the palm of his hand, "'Do me now,' 'nice ass,'" she moaned as she read the innuendo laden candy.

"My favorite has to be the one that says 'spank me,'" Hotch told her, with a wry smile on his face.

"Jesus, what did he give me?" JJ asked as she jumped up from her desk and began rifling through the trash."

"Who are you talking about?"

"Dave! He gave me the candy!"

"You took candy from Dave?" Hotch asked incredulously, "That's worse than taking candy from a stranger!"

"I was desperate!" She defended herself as she dumped the trashcan out on the floor. She picked through it until she found the empty candy bags…bags which read 'Cinful Cindy's Naughty Candy Hearts.'

"How in the world did you miss the fact that these were x-rated hearts?" He asked her, "Was the half naked woman on the bag not enough of a clue for you?"

"I was in a hurry! I didn't pay attention to the bag, I was just trying to get everything packaged up nicely before the kids started coming by! I'm going to _kill _him!" She shouted, her hand on the butt of her service weapon. She made her way to her door, fully intent on carrying out her threat, but her boss blocked her way.

"Come on JJ, you know I can't allow you to kill one of my top profilers, although if you want to maim him later on, I'll look the other way, just make sure he can continue working afterward," he told her as he pushed her towards the sofa in her office.

She sat down with a thud and put her face in her hands. "You don't understand Hotch; I gave that candy to _everybody_! Emily's nephew, Derek's niece…oh God, Strauss's niece, the _director's_ granddaughter, everyone! I must have had nearly fifty trick or treaters and they all got that x-rated sugar!"

Shit, Hotch thought, the last thing his team needed was another scandal. He didn't want to make his friend and co-worker feel bad, so he rubbed her back as she had a nervous breakdown. "It'll be okay, JJ. Really, how many people are going to remember who gave what candy?"

She took her hands from her face and looked up at him, "Really Hotch?" She asked sarcastically, "How many people do you think gave out candy hearts? Of course people are going to know it was me! I'm never going to be able to show my face around here again!" She grabbed a piece of paper and began writing on it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, wondering if she really was losing her mind.

"I'm writing my letter of resignation," she told him.

He chuckled and pulled the pad of paper away from her, "Too bad, I'm not going to accept it."

"I can't come back here, Hotch, I've been humiliated! How am I ever going to look these people in the eye again?" She asked, her face beet red.

"It's going to be tough, but if they ask, just explain what happened. Oh, and don't be afraid to throw Rossi under a bus. Make sure people know exactly who gave you the candy," Hotch said with a grin.

"You're damn right I will, he'll be lucky if that's _all_ I do!" JJ told him, mentally plotting the older man's demise.

"That being said, maybe you should take off for the night," Hotch suggested, eyeing the now empty bullpen.

"You mean in case some of the parents come to my office with pitchforks and torches?"

Hotch's grin broadened, "Exactly."

JJ sighed, "You're right, I think I'll go home and take a nice, hot bubble bath. Maybe I can wash some of the mortification off of me," she said, picking up her purse.

Hotch got a mental picture of that and for the first time in his life, he wished he was a bathtub. He'd had feelings for his liaison for awhile, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship so he kept them under wrap. To his knowledge, no one on the team knew that he lusted after JJ.

"Goodnight, Hotch. Please apologize to Jack for me and tell him I'll give him some new candy the next time I see him."

"I will, JJ; you go home and relax."

JJ followed his order and left her office, racing to the elevator that would take her to the parking lot. Once on her parking level, she walked quickly to her car, stopping only to put a bag of the candy hearts under her boss's windshield wiper and a note that said, "You're the only one I would ever want to give these to."

With her mission accomplished and before she could talk herself out of leaving the hearts, JJ strode towards her car. As she popped the locks, she noticed Rossi's car parked next to hers. With a feeling of satisfaction, she quickly let the air out of two of his tires, got in her car and sped off, wondering if she would hear from Hotch.

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